Holiday Highlights – Part Three
6. I was delighted to discover that my ability to squat unaided and return to a standing position without falling over remains intact despite not being put to use for many years. ‘Squat’ is one of the Zumba instructions that I adapt. I do a semi squat so as to remove all embarrassment of a ‘topple over’ or a ‘stuck in squat’, neither of which are Zumba moves. However whilst camping, squatting became more appealing than lonely walks to the toilet block in the early hours, especially as it was also a long walk and more than once I had to jog the last few metres to get there before my bladder began ignoring my pleas to “hold on we’re nearly there.” Several of my fellow campers were surprised I’d been consistently using the toilets and spare buckets were offered to me as gifts. I accepted one but the thought of having to deal with emptying it the next day and with no means of bleaching it or even disinfecting it was enough to stop me using it. My reservations about using the bucket were greeted with “it’s only wee” (which it would have been) but that did not make it acceptable to me. What if that bucket somehow found its way to a tie dying activity or even worse, was used as a vessel for carrying washing up? Despite it having FISH written on it and so being easily identifiable I was not going to take any chances. It soon became apparent that weeing in the woods was a common after dark activity and so after a few days I gave it a try. It was one of those situations where failure to carry out the whole routine successfully would have incurred very undesirable consequences. I undertook the procedure knowing that if my squat wasn’t low enough ‘splashback’ would occur and I’d regret embarking on this alternative venture. I also believed that returning to a standing position, without wobbling and inadvertently putting a steadying hand onto the freshly dampened ground, would be a challenge. To my relief everything went smoothly and my visits to areas off the beaten track became a nightly occurrence.
On balance it was a positive move, largely because the several minutes stress and inconvenience of getting to the toilet block was replaced by just a minute or two of stress which ended when all clothes were back in place. Twinkle* did create some extra unease when I overheard her talking about finding a spot by torchlight, turning off the torch and relieving herself in darkness. Then mid flow noticing another torch beam heading her way and having to call out that she was there. From then on I walked deeper into the woods and only stopped when I realised if I didn’t stop it would have been nearer to go to the toilet block. For me it would have been a Bingo panic moment. The anxiousness building up with just one number to go and worrying that I won’t be brave enough to call out. Then the number comes up and the indecision of whether to call bingo, here or yes goes on too long and the moment passes as the next number is called. In the woods scenario this would translate to embarrassing discovery. Thankfully I was never discovered.
7. There were more holiday highlights but life is moving on so no more will be recorded here. Look out for my book ‘Crazy Camping’ which may be published one day. It will include a tribute to a camp warden whose loyalty to the campsite cannot be doubted. His fear that disappearing toilet paper and 10ps being forced into shower meters will lead to an end of civilisation as scouts know it may come out as being over -zealous but personally I found it endearing and forgive him completely for thinking I ripped the sticker off the shower meter in a deliberate act of vandalism.
Non – camping content. In the past week or two I have been on two nights out. Both very enjoyable, both in disco type environments and both raising the question “how many times is it appropriate to ask someone to repeat what they said before you nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?”
*Twinkle named after the twinkle in her eye, not her twinkles in the wood.